I'm a doer. Well, most days. I know I've said it a million times, but I am fueled by being busy if I'm home. But, being busy means a lot of different things. If I should be paying bills, I might be baking instead - still busy. If I set out to start the laundry, on the way to the laundry room I might notice that the grass outside looks a little dry and head out the door to turn the sprinkler on. While there I'll notice a misplaced toy or two, pick it up to take inside and hear, "I need juice, Mommy!" Getting the juice, I'll check my phone for a text and then realize I need to add a few things to the grocery list. Blah blah blah, you get the picture. And, once I get in go-mode, I'm not always good at being interrupted.
I don't like this about myself. Yes, I get a lot done some days, but most days, it's silly stuff. I even, at times, have a difficult time sitting down to read a book with the boys because in that ten minutes I think of three things (rather than one) I could accomplish if I wasn't reading. STOP! I keep telling my mind to stop. To be at peace. To take a break. But, I often cannot.
If I'm at others' homes, I can relax. If I'm on vacation I can relax. If a friend or relative is visiting, I usually can relax. Plus, having just had a new baby (well, two months ago), this sense of anxiety, of the need to do something, is heightened. And, it remains so for awhile.
It makes life messy in the inside from time to time. But typically it gets to a point when it hits me hard that something isn't quite right...that my focus is unfocused and that my daily life needs a little fine-tuning. Some days that point of realization looks like this...
Just because Carter isn't pictured doesn't mean he wasn't involved. He created the mud!
Anyway, it was messy. And, in typical fashion, I had just vacuumed the carpet, and all I could think was that they were about to un-do what I'd spent a few minutes doing. As I opened my mouth to reprimand them, I stopped. I, too, loved to play in mud as a kid. I still remember that. Sure, it made a mess, but it wasn't anything a little water hose couldn't fix. And, my mom let me do it. Their joy in the moment was more important than my self-described productivity. Plus, they weren't doing anything wrong...just "inconvenient."
That mess they made -- it was on the outside. It sure beats one on your inside. They're helping me see that every day. As one to-do is marked off, another will take its place. But these little ones...you know the story. They don't keep.