Our Story (Part III)...

"What do you think about us?"

I played dumb, texting back, "What do you mean."

"You know what I mean."

"Well, if'it's what I think you mean, call me."

I was shaking.

He called.  And, that night we talked about everything.  That we weren't in the market to just date...that a successful relationship didn't have to end in marriage to begin, but that I didn't want it to end three months later for the same reason.  That we were going to have to get past the distance.  That if our relationship led to marriage, an annulment was necessary.  That what I was asking of him (as he was not Catholic) would be hard at times and would require meddling though the past...and I didn't want to push him to do anything he wasn't comfortable with.  That my parents might have concerns (I tend to worry at times what others might think).  But, that it was obvious that I really cared for him and wanted to try again if he did.  I asked him to think on it.  And, he called the next day.

So it began.

We talked on the phone every day and usually into the next morning.  We planned to meet up in the DFW area (halfway between Norman, OK and College Station, TX) two weeks from when we started "dating" again.  The beginning of that week, I was called home to New Mexico.  My grandfather, who I was very close to, was in the hospital.  I got to spend a few moments with him and let him know I was dating Jeremy.  He loved Jeremy (and saw him grow up with his grandsons), and he smiled from ear to ear.  He told the nurses and my grandmother that I had a boyfriend (he always wanted to make sure I did, haha, usually having someone on his mind that I needed to be set up with).  He even broke the news to my parents (who were happy!).  It was a sweet, sweet moment with me and my Hosse (his name was Hoss).

I stayed three days and then had to return to classes.  I was back at school just one day and received a call from my dad that I better come back.  So, I called Jeremy to tell him the situation and that our weekend plans would have to be postponed.  In thirty minutes, he called me and said that if it was okay, and if I was willing to go two hours out of the way, he'd like to come home with me.  I didn't blink an eye and took the fork to Oklahoma instead of Amarillo.  I drove up to his apartment and he was in the parking lot ready to get in.  Shaking, I gave him a hug and we got on the road.  Halfway to Amarillo, we stopped for a snack, and getting back into the car, he kissed me.  It was everything I needed.

The next day, my grandfather passed away.  Crushed, Jeremy was there to hold 

and comfort me.  He helped me and was there to listen and let me cry, assuring me that some of life's greatest gifts sometimes brought pain as well.  On Sunday, he had to return to school, so he rented a car and left, promising he would be back for the funeral.  And he was.  As he left me that day at the graveside, I started to cry (tears that I had held in for days).  I lost it.  As he got into his car, he saw that, came back and held me, telling me he loved me.  

I finally returned to finish (I should say, barely get by) my first semester, and we met up at his parents home for Thanksgiving.  

He also went with me to a wedding over the Christmas holidays.

Our parents were both so excited to see us so happy, knowing that each of us came from good families and that we really loved each other.  No one really knew what an annulment would entail and what would happen were it not to be granted, so you could see the reluctance in their eyes...more out of protection for each of us than anything else.  But, like us, they prayed and waited.

On my birthday, that February, Jeremy turned in all his annulment paperwork, and we prayed.  We prayed and prayed and prayed every day for months.  He spent Easter with me in College Station, and after going to almost every Mass of the Tridiuum, he told me he was interested in looking into becoming Catholic.  I was ecstatic, knowing the fulfilling peace and joy that came with our faith, but I only truly wanted it if he wanted it.

I spent the summer in Norman living with a roommate I found via Facebook, doing an internship in Oklahoma City with a nonprofit (a requirement for my grad school program), and we grew even closer.  He taught me how to play tennis.  We went on lots of dates and walks in the local parks.  We went hiking and canoeing.  We had deep conversations (even though our distance had required us to talk about everything under the sun).  We didn't ever talk much about the annulment but knew that if it wasn't granted, it would be so painfully difficult.  We cooked together, laughed, went to Mass and grew deeper in love.  That July after a tennis match, we went back to his apartment and grabbed the mail.  When he got back into his truck (where I was waiting), he tossed me a letter with a blankness about his face.  I read the letter that had already been opened and saw that it was from the OKC Archdiocese.  An annulment had been affirmed!!!!!  It would have to go through a Court of Appeals before a final answer was given, but we had hope!!!  Crying tears of joy, we thanked God, called our families and went out to celebrate!

celebrating our news

That fall, we both resumed our master's programs with somewhat of a sigh of relief.  He also began RCIA classes.  Every free second we had between thesis projects and other classes, we were together...meeting in DFW, spending time in Norman or CS, or burning up phone batteries.

at Midnight Yell in Aggieland

playing washers in New Mexico

At the end of October, our answer came.  God blessed off on us, and we were free to marry.  That December 30th, Jeremy was visiting me in New Mexico after Christmas, and then I was driving back to Amarillo with him to spend some time with his family.  He wanted to stop on our way back to his parents' home and see MeMe (Hosse's wife).  Honestly, I was a little perturbed.  I didn't want to stop...just wanted to get to Amarillo.  As much as I hate to admit this, I was pretty selfish with my Jeremy time and didn't want to always be around a lot of other people.  Well, we stopped anyway.  After about a thirty minute conversation with her, it was time to get back on the road.  When we did, he said he wanted to take me to Hosse's grave on the ranch.  I said no.  I wasn't ready.  He said it would be good for me.  I didn't want to, but I did.

We got out of the car, and he told me how this was the first place he told me he loved me (yes, I remember). I was ready to go.  He then went on to say that Hosse loved us dating and my last conversation with him was about us (and more things, but I was ready to go).  Then he said how it was only fitting that he be there for the time when he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him (oh gosh! I finally figured it out).  He got down on his knee and pulled this out...

And, I said yes.  Jeremy Fisk is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

June 27, 2009...

and Hosse has my bouquet...

Our Story (Part II)...

Well, after the US Open, on his way home to Georgia, he called.  And, he sent the email with that picture.  I think I checked my email 99 times/day before that.

Jeremy, Cy, and Ben (another one of the boys).

We talked distance, our pasts and what a future might entail knowing that our union wouldn't be what I had imagined as my "love story" and that in order to ever be together forever (if it came to that), he would have to seek an annulment with the Catholic Church.  A lot to talk about very early on, but we decided to give it a go.  He visited me in College Station, and we spent Labor Day with his family.  He even talked of requesting Fort Hood (the closest Army post to me at the time) as his next station.  He was busy preparing for a Captain's course, and I was in the midst of my final year of undergrad.  I was on cloud nine and really loved this guy.

Suddenly (in my mind), it was over.  Three months in, he called to say that it wouldn't work.

I continued with school.  He, with the Army.  There wasn't much closure (and for me that's a problem).  I thought about him a lot.  Upon graduation the next August, I moved to Washington, DC to work at the White House and I learned from my aunt that Jeremy was sent to Iraq.  I went on dates in DC.  I went out with my co-workers, and I lived life.  Deep down, though, I always wondered, "what if."  Regardless of how hard I tried (I didn't try too hard), I never could quite forget Jeremy.

That spring I emailed his mom.  I just wanted to know how Jeremy was.  She was so sweet and filled me in...saying he was in Iraq but was okay.  My stint in DC didn't last long.  I took a job planning events for Texas A&M's Association of Former Students and moved back to College Station that summer.  Part of the Association's job was to inform others of students' deaths.  Being a school with a strong military component, a lot of those deaths at the time were war causalities.  One day an email came into our inboxes reporting the deaths of two Aggies who were previously stationed at Fort Campbell (Jeremy's US post).  I let my mind wander and emailed Jeremy's old email address.  I just wanted to know he was alive.

I heard back two months later (when he was on leave).  He thanked me for checking on him and said he would be home from Iraq in November.  So, of course, I emailed him then, thanking him for his service and happy for his safe return (anything I could think of to keep in touch).  I still wanted to be his friend.  We emailed maybe once a month, and he informed me that the following spring he would be getting out of the Army and applying for master's programs, hoping to get into University of Texas.  I was doing the same (applying for a master's program at A&M and Notre Dame).  When I knew there was a possibility he'd be in Austin, I started leaning toward A&M (although he gave me no reason to do so - it was all just me hoping).

That May I finally mustered up enough courage to ask him what really happened two and a half years before. Without going into detail, he had just needed some time.

At the end of the month I would be making a quick visit home and he would be at his parents for Memorial Day, so I asked if he wanted to grab coffee.  We did.  I got my hopes up.  After that, he didn't call.

Fast forward to July and I was visiting with my Aunt Beth.  At the end of our conversation Jeremy came up. Crying, I told her that I should move on but that I couldn't.  She told me there must be a reason for that and not to give up hope.  Then she informed me that Jeremy's grandfather had passed away the day before. Doing what I would do for any friend, I called him to say how sorry I was.  He was thankful and let me know that he would be at the University of Oklahoma (rather than UT), and I had already chosen A&M over Notre Dame's Alliance for Catholic Education program.  I felt good calling, and we talked for almost an hour, but I didn't expect anything to come of it.

As grad school started, I received an email from Jeremy joking about college football and being in the same conference.  I replied immediately.  A week or so later, I'd hear from him again and instantly reply (no discipline here).  Sometimes I would get a text.  Every great once in awhile, a call.  I was tired.  I wanted to date him again, but I had no idea where he stood.  With every conversation, I would get my hopes up, and as a week or so would go by, they would fall.  Finally, one Tuesday night in late October, I was in Adoration.  I was journaling, and I finally prayed something like this, "God, I love Jeremy.  But, I only want to love him if You want me to.  Please make this clear.  Either give me reason to try again or take him out of my life."  That night, at my apartment, right when I returned from Adoration (three + years after our initial relationship), I received this text:

"Hey, what do you think about us?"

Our Story...

Many of you have asked me for our love story.  I have debated for a really long time writing it.  Actually, it's been written for months, but I've debated posting it.  For obvious reasons.  However, it may offer hope for some or reassurance of God's plan for others.  So here goes...

It started way back in 6th grade...well for me, at least.  I was attending my cousin's high school graduation get-together, and there was this boy.  So handsome and friendly.  He talked to me (a little, somewhat-dorky sixth grader) for a long time and didn't seem put out by it at all.  He made me feel as if I was the only person in the world at the time (something I would later realize was quite common in his dealings with others).  I was sold.  

His mom and my aunt went to high school together...were basically best friends.  Both of them had only sons and all five boys were good friends growing up.  I didn't know him.  He was six years older.  My sister and I would, at times, spend time with our aunt, and Jeremy's mom would meet up to have a girls' afternoon.  Secretly, I longed for her to talk about Jeremy.  I had quite the crush on him.

he and his mom right after Ranger school

Fast forward a few years, and I walked into my aunt's house.  On her refrigerator was a picture of Jeremy and his wife.  I knew it was silly to think that I'd marry that boy, and it was fun to have a not-so-realistic crush for awhile, but that was all over. 

I went to Texas A&M, dated a few guys and found myself single toward the end of my college career.  The summer before graduation, my oldest cousin, Cy (my aunt's son), was getting married in Long Island.  I was visiting with family at the rehearsal dinner party, and another one of my aunt's came up behind me and said, "Have you seen Jeremy Fisk???"  I immediately said, "No!  And, why would I care (in that have you seen him way)?  He's married!"  Her reply, "Not anymore."  I turned around to see this:

My Aunt Beth and Jeremy (his mom's best friend).

I would be lying if I said my first thought wasn't, "He's so handsome." I had no idea what had happened, nor did I feel comfortable giving any of it much thought.  Part of me wanted to stay away while the other part anxiously awaited a chance to re-meet him.  So, instead of talking to him, I just talked to his parents. Through that conversation, I learned that their son had graduated from West Point, was a Ranger in the Army at the time (stationed in Georgia), and had been through a rough time/divorce.  He was there with them, combining a wedding of a best friend with a little family time.  Jeremy and my singleness was brought up (his dad saying, "So, did you know Jeremy is single"), and it was left at that.   However, we still had two days of wedding celebration left.

At that point, I was hoping to run into him at our hotel.  I just wanted to say hello.  I randomly (promise) bumped into him in the hall as I was coming back from the pool and he from a long run.  I'm not so sure anything but "hi" was exchanged.  But, the night of the wedding, that changed.  

Being the mature twenty-something that I was, I found a way to always be semi-close to him at the wedding..sitting in front of him, having to pass by his table to get to the bathroom, needing to ask his mom something.  You name it, I thought of it.  Well, the celebrations were drawing to a close and I hadn't talked to him.  So, I sent my cousin on a mission.  She was to get him over with us.  He had spent the entire night with his parents, so we didn't think it would be too hard to pry him away.  In the meantime, someone asked me to dance...so there he was visiting with all of my girl cousins while I was dropped (yes, dropped) on that dance floor by some drunk, Southern "gentleman."  They got a kick out of that, and it spurred a conversation.  After a bit of chit chat, the festivities on the island were drawing to a close and it was time to take the bus back to the hotel.  I made it very clear which of the two buses I would be on and made sure we ended up on the same one.  He sat across from me and a few seats back.  He then asked me a question, and the bus was so loud that I said he needed to "sit next to me so I could hear him."  Smooth, I know.

We got back to the hotel, and the after party began.   A bunch of wedding guests gathered in the hotel lounge and then in a couple of rooms, and as the night was ending/morning beginning, he said he wanted to take a quick picture: 

I made him promise that if we took one he had to email it to me (sly way of getting him my contact info).  And, then came the question...

"Can I kiss you?"

I had to think about that.  It was only a question I had waited years for.  

My entire dad's side of the family was at this wedding.  So were his parents.  The next morning we were departing.  And, we didn't know what to do.  We didn't want to make things obvious, so he suggested that as we all parted ways, that he'd give all of my family a hug and me one, too.  Bingo.  He headed to the US Open with his parents, and I went back to summer school.

But, I had no clue what would happen from there...