Monday, July 30, 2018

The First Half

I don't think there's any doubting that I love pregnancy and childbirth.  I mean, of course, not all of it, but most of it!  This time around, I wanted to document the days more, in the event that it's my last...because I don't want to forget.  But, here I am at 22 weeks, and this is basically my first post.  Good intentions.  Bad follow through.

I don't want to forget...

...the emotions that come with seeing that faint, faint line.  This time around, I was in our guest bathroom, cleaning up remnants of our third round of a stomach bug (while my husband was in another room, sick), and I thought, what the heck, "why not take a test?"  The previous months had contained more than one chemical pregnancy, so while I was anxious to see that second line, I also was leery of it.  Would it stick this time?  Would it fade away again?  It was darker than that last time, so I had hope!  Three days later, I told Jeremy.

...the back and forth between being so excited and my pants quickly not fitting.  I know, I know.  This is vain.  But, with every pregnancy, regardless of how in or out of shape I've been before, I show a little earlier and get bigger faster.  While, I wouldn't trade any of it for the miracle of another life, the thickness that every single part of my body becomes sometimes gets to me (especially when I know I shouldn't have eaten the Oreos, ha).

...that after about two weeks of knowing I'm carrying a new life, I quickly wonder what I was thinking.  It's so easy to forget about the nausea, food aversions, and just general feeling of yuckiness when you're not in it, but when you are in it, man the minutes creep by!  This time was more difficult than others.  My girl pregnancies have always been, but I was so worried at first that something was wrong. 

...that while I feel huge now, I will look back to this week in a a few weeks and laugh at that feeling.

...the first kicks.  How amazing it is to know they're from teeny tiny life inside...and how much I forget to appreciate that at night when I'm trying to sleep and he/she is trying to do anything but that.

...the beauty of seeing what God created a woman's body to everything stretches and transforms to house this babe, and as frustrated as I get with myself for not looking a certain way, exercising enough or eating right, it's difficult not to walk past a mirror and simultaneously thank God for the blessing.

So, for the next eighteen or so weeks, hopefully I'll document a bit more, remember to count it all a blessing and dream of who this little one will be.

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