Friday, July 18, 2014

A Rough Week and Being Gone

RoRo gets married today.  The day that we've anticipated since the end of October is finally upon us, and we cannot be more excited!!  She's marrying one of the best men alive, and we absolutely cannot wait to have an Uncle Sean in our lives!  

The boys are not with us.  In fact, I think they're probably doing a whole lot of this right now...

Look at that physique!

A little mud makes it even more fun.

The boys are with their grandparents right now, having a lot more fun than being shuffled around Chicago. However, they weren't so sure (at least Carter wasn't) that it would be more fun to stay than to go.  The week or so leading up to this was somewhat stressful...all because of me and the way I work when it comes to getting ready for something big.  I make a to-do list a mile long and it rules my life for a few days.  It "ruling my life" is always magnified after I have a new I-sometimes-think-I'll-have-a-breakdown magnified.  I'm a weird one.

Take getting ready for the trip and the best day ever for my sister and add a newborn who is having some tummy issues plus three little ones who are still figuring out their "new place" in a family of six and making it very clear that they need more attention and you get a bit of chaos.  

Stress...the boys can sense it.  And what happens then?  Well, typically, they become a bit more demanding. I get a bit more frustrated then feel a bit more guilty and in the end we just need a bit of a break.  

John Paul has become extra needy, and without getting a lot of that neediness relieved by me, he's just gotten really angry and has thrown a few fits.  I picked him up and just held him close as he cried and cried before going to bed last night and he babbled and then looked up at me crying to say, "blah blah blah SO-EY(Sophie)!"  It's all her fault.

Once he was down for the night and the other boys had fallen asleep, I fed Sophie and got her in bed so I could begin working to tie up some loose ends before we left.  Thus began her inconsolable crying session for two hours.  Didn't get anything done, thanks ;)

So, the day before we left, Carter woke up wanted to be attached to my hip all day long.  I knew why.  And yet, I still had to get everything loaded in the car, my Maid of Honor speech finalized and day-of events in order.  Wasn't quite what he had planned, so he acted out.  When I corrected him, he screamed that he wanted to go with me, and when I left him in his room for his nap, I heard him say..."Help me God!  Jesus, come down and hug me, please.  God, help me!"  I went in to hug him, laid him down for his nap, and shed a few tears.

A few days before, I told Carter I needed to go do something for Sophie (change her dirty diaper) and would be right back to see whatever it was he wanted me to see.  Big tears rolled down his cheeks and he said, "Don't feed Sophie, Momma.  Please don't feed her now."  (It takes too much time).

Peter, this time, has been strong.  Demanding attention here and there, but not too much and being semi even-keeled for a few days, he's been ignored.  Not because I don't love him but because the others have needed so much.  Then, I feel bad for not paying more attention when he's being good.

Case is point: I feel guilty.  I need to give them more of me.  I often forget that adding a new life can make things a bit crazy for longer than just a couple of weeks, and things will eventually settle in to place.  Frankly, I don't feel like I give us time for that.  I want everything perfect right now.  When they go a bit haywire, I do too.  And, instead of relaxing and taking a deep breath, I fret about what's not happening, especially when I want everything to go so perfectly.

Again, the boys are not with us.  I miss them.  But, I know they are having fun...much more fun than they would have being shuffled here at there this weekend.  They are getting a much needed break from being in "second place" and we'll all be reunited with a fresh start.

And when we get back, we're slowing down.  We (I) are going to make a point of enjoying a bit more of each other and getting closer to establishing a new norm...without so much extra stuff going on.  We all need it.  And, things will get better.


  1. You have perfectly described what happens to all moms of a bunch of kiddos. And you are normal. (I'm so anal about lists, I drive my family nuts, especially when it comes to BIG moments like the one your in today.) I think you nailed it. When you get back, the emotional slate will be clean, ready for that fresh start. Enjoy today, this special day! I'm sure you will rock that speech!

  2. Things 'will' get better, because you truly care. And you will do what needs to be done, although I know that being a parent is a learning process. And you 'just' added a precious little bundle of joy to your family, so it will take some time for you to learn how to be there for everyone. (Also in the process, don't forget to also take care of yourself). :) At the end of the day, you have a heavenly Father on your side, and He will most definitely guide you!! :)

  3. Hang in there sweet friend. These early weeks with a new little one are tough - but we know they go by so quickly… You'll soon adjust and find that new 'normal'. And there will still be crazy, hard days… I get that. I still have them too. Each day is new … remember that - and give yourself a lot of grace! I often remind myself that being a parent is also a process of becoming more like Jesus. You're being sanctified in the journey as you raise your children toward heaven! God bless!