The Things They Say (and Do!)

I found these photos that I never posted from a month or so ago, and I didn't want to forget about them.  Carter and Sophie were helping me get rid of some things in the garden (old plants, tomato cages, etc).  And, then Carter wanted to make a stick garden in the yard.  Ha!  I thought it would be a good place to write down a few things they've been saying lately.

Sophie is really making up for her lack of talking this summer.  I frequently find her singing. Sometimes it's a recognizable song and others, she's just making it up as she goes.  Her current favorite...

"Tomowow, Tomowow, I lub you.  A day AWAY"

In discussing the baby's name, Carter's eyes widen..."How about we don't tell Dad, and then we surprise him and name the baby Jeremy Jr.?!!"

I was making some sausage balls and was putting green chili in, when Sophie asked what it was.  "I lub gween chili...what you tawkin bout?...gween chili yucky!"

My dad does this silly thing where he swallows something like a piece of popcorn and then makes a funny noise and pretends he gets it out of his ear.  The kids are in awe of it.  Well, we were sitting at the dinner table, and JP asked, "Will you do that trick that Papa does with the popcorn in his ear?  He's a musician!"  Peter quickly countered, "He is not a musician!  Musicians are tricky! Papa just thinks he is tricky!  But, he's really just funny!"

This morning as I got Sophie her milk, she came back in the kitchen distraught. "Dis milt NOT DOOD for ME! Hmph." I was worried that it might be sour, so I asked what was wrong.  "I need CHOLOT MILT.  Hmph!"

Carter's been very complimentary of my cooking the last few months.  He always says how much he loves my cooking.  Just yesterday he said, "Wow!  You have a gift for cooking.  This is just a party in my mouth!!"

The last few days when I've announced it's nap time, Sophie shakes her head, "I no nap during Chreemas time."  I guess she's thinking the entire month of December is Christmas time.

Hmm...hope you have a little funny in your day, too!

Lent is Hard

What it is about the start of Lent that seems so daunting?  It really isn't the giving up of the foods (although some days I really do think a big cookie would make things better).  It's not the fasting from breakfast or the lack of snacking in between meals or even the abstinence from meat on Fridays. Sure, that's a part of it, and I'm sure it messes with my brain more than I think it will, but for me, it's something else.  It's the utter awareness of my human frailty that hits me smack in the face once that black, smudgy cross is smeared on my forehead on Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of this journey with Christ to Easter.

I'm weak.  I'm full of sin.  My thoughts aren't always pure.  My desires aren't always for love.  I fail...daily.  I sometimes don't even like the person who I know I am.  Not in a harsh way...just in a way in which I wish I were better.  And, it hits me really hard during Lent...especially in the beginning.

I gave up a few things.  I took on a few more.  And, I'm trying to find a meaningful way to give alms.  And, do you know what this first week has looked like...failure.  I've woken up with a sense of anxiety beyond what I typically feel...like the weight of the world is on my chest...the weight of my sins.  I've opened my Bible, journaled my thoughts, tried to make this Lent about praying for others...and I cannot ease my mind.  With each thing I do, I discover another area in which I could do better.  I'm on edge...rather the very edge, and waking to a new day doesn't give respite like I thought it would.

Instead, I'm losing my temper, being quick to snap at my kids, not having the patience I need with my husband, and in turn, thinking way too much about me...not the intent of my Lent whatsoever.

But is it really even my Lent (or is is His)?  Yes, it's about drawing near Christ...about shedding the burdens that pull us down and about opening our arms to His unending mercy.  But, why is it so difficult?

I believe it is because it is supposed to be.

If a sacrifice were easy, it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice would it?  Will my looking inward and being so ashamed of some of my sins ever compare to the pain of Mary losing her only Son in an offering to the whole world?  Will my sins ever feel like the weight of the world's sins...in the form of a cross...in its excruciating death?  No.  Not even slightly.

But, if I don't know that pain, that in comparison pales to His, I won't know His mercy.  I won't know the sweetness of forgiveness.

Lent is a time for change.  And, change can bring pain.  But, the desire to change...to be better...to know that we simply cannot do it all alone is exactly what the Devil does not want.  He wants that pain (however small it may seem when compared to Christ's) to cause us to give up.  He wants us to choose what's easier.  He wants us to fail.  And the draw to do so is enticing.  He wants us to feel that we're doing something wrong if life isn't always easy...that if we're just "good enough" suffering won't come.  He wants to link the suffering that truly draws us closer to Christ to the idea that we are doing it all wrong or that it's just too difficult a burden to bear.  Because when we give into that thinking, he has us.  But, it's all a lie.

So, of course Lent is hard, but it helps in knowing why.  God wants us, but so does the devil.  In it all, I have to remember that there isn't anything given to me that I cannot bear with Him.  But that is the key...I have to have Him...not just myself.  In all of this, my anxiety and frustrations and daily sufferings are miniscule...compared to His of course...but even compared to those around me. Regardless, in my life, they are my struggles...and a struggle is a struggle regardless of size if it hinders our walk with Him.

Thankfully, His mercy endures...and as I walk, He is right beside me...whispering to offer it all up and to keep moving forward.  And you know what?  It's gotten easier.  Those first few days were just some doozies.  However, He's come in the form of reminders from those I'd least expect it from...my kids.

I was talking to the boys about loving people, and how sometimes it can be so, so difficult to love those who don't appear to love us in return.  It was then that Carter piped up, "Like loving the lady in Church who doesn't like to do the peace be with you with me and shaking her hand anyway."  He kissed her hand last time.  I had no clue he even sensed that she might not like to shake hands.  But, he rises above it.

Like Peter helping Sophie and John Paul get dressed without my asking even when it means keeping him from going to play as quickly as he would like.

Like Carter talking about an outlaw he had heard about back in the early days of our town, "I can't get him out of my head, and it bothers me.  So, I say, "Jesus, I offer these thoughts to you.  But, they aren't going away.  But, He will take care of it."

Like Peter "petting" (rubbing her head) Sophie when she is upset in order to try to calm her.

Like John Paul talking about Goliath in the forest, even though it was really Jesus in the desert we had just learned about (always providing comic relief).

They're teaching me...we must simply draw closer to Him through every aspect of our days, both good and especially bad.

May your Lent be filled with hard things...and through them, may you come to know His love and mercy unlike you've ever known it before!

In the meantime, I'll be praying to truly live this Litany of Humility:

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, 

Hear me. 

From the desire of being esteemed, 

Deliver me, O Jesus. 

From the desire of being loved, 

Deliver me, O Jesus. 

From the desire of being extolled, etc. 

From the desire of being honored, 

From the desire of being praised, 

From the desire of being preferred to others, 

From the desire of being consulted, 

From the desire of being approved, 

From the fear of being humiliated, 

From the fear of being despised, 

From the fear of suffering rebukes, 

From the fear of being calumniated, 

From the fear of being forgotten, 

From the fear of being ridiculed, 

From the fear of being wronged, 

From the fear of being suspected,

That others may be loved more than I, 

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. 

That others may be esteemed more than I, 

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. 

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase 

and I may decrease, etc. 

That others may be chosen and I set aside, 

That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, 

That others may be preferred to me in everything,

That others may become holier than I, 

provided that I may become as holy as I should.

Genevieve's Newborn Photos and What They Have Said

All of the kids met Genevieve just moments after birth!  Then, they went to stay with grandparents for a few days.  But, when they came to see Genevieve at home, they were full of joy and wonderful things to say.  I've written down most of them, but as the days have gone by, I've forgotten some. Some of the sweetest are here...

John Paul, on seeing his "new littlest sister" couldn't quit smiling.  He then looked up at me and said, "Why did she choose us?"  Sweet, sweet boy.

Peter was fascinated with her littleness.  "Ohhhhh, look at her tiny toesies and tiny nose!"

Sophie just kept saying "Baba!!" as she would give her a kiss about every ten seconds.

"I just love my new littlest sister."  JP

Carter was thrilled and kept saying, "Momma, we prayed and prayed for this little girl!" We did.

"She is sooooo cute!" Carter

"She's a gift from God!" Carter

"We've got to get her out of her PJs and put her pretty clothes on!"  Peter loved to help dress her the first few days.

"Momma, we need to have this many babies" - Peter (holding up 10 fingers)

Peter was distraught that Elley didn't get a baby from the hospital, too, and he didn't really want to share his Genevieve, so after our daily prayers, he would say, "Dear Jesus, please please please put a baby in Elley's tummy." 

"Sophie, come see your baby sister!  Prepare to be A-Mazed!" - Carter

And, I finally got her newborn photos edited.  We took them on a few different occasions, so there's some variety.  The ones of Genevieve and me, my mom took!

 

29/52: Staining and Quotes

I decided it would be a good idea to re-stain and seal our little treehouse/playground.  My not-so-good idea was to have the boys help with it.  Ha!  But...they had fun!

And, I haven't done a quotes post in a long time, so I think I'll include a few here.

Carter // 5 - The other week when we were taking him to swim lessons, we had a lot of great conversations.  After his first day, we went to the grocery store to get a treat, and he talked (for a long time) to everyone he saw.  I've told all of them how important it is to talk to people, especially when they are asked a question.  So, when we got back in the car, I was bragging on him.  His response: "Mom, that's just called caring for others, and it's a weally, weally good thing to do."

Then, the next day,  I got a bit worried about the whole stranger danger thing, so I told him if anyone ever made him uncomfortable or if someone he didn't know tried to take him away, to scream for help.  Confused, he said, "Mom, if any bad guy tried to do that to one of God's children, God would send them straight to hell."  Yikes.  I haven't been saying that.

The last day of swim lessons, we got in the car and I went to turn on a movie.  Carter said:
"Mom, no movies today.  I missed Texline (a tiny town we pass through on our way to swim lessons), and I don't want to miss it today.  So, turn on some wok and woll and we'll just visit!"  We did.

Peter // 3 - We were getting ready to leave the house one morning and he came in after using the restroom and said, "Mom, if you ever want to lose me forever, just flush me down the toilet and it will take me far, far away!"

He always starts whatever he wants to say with, "Can I tell you sumping?"

He's also asking a ton of "What would happen if..." questions these days.

And, he loves and notices clothes.  So, when I'm a bit more dressed up, he gets excited and says, "Momma, you look so pwetty in your dancing clothes."

John Paul // 2 - This little wild man just likes to make up jokes and then say, "Oh silly me!"

He'll also point out something he sees (like a truck on the road) or something he pretends to see and when you ask where it is, he says, "Ahhhh, you MISSED IT!"

Every day he asks someone if they've been "bwanding" and he refers to almost everyone as "cowboy."

Sophie // 1 - I think she was mad when she woke up and saw she missed the staining session.  She doesn't say much, but her looks say it all these days.