11/52: The Lenten Pretzels

I'm doing this a littler differently this week.  I'm adding more photos than just five.  Rule breaker.  Oh well.  Yesterday we made pretzels.  My sweet friend, and the kids' babysitter, Zoey, was on Spring Break so she came to help out for the day.  She made the activity even better!  Carter and Peter were so excited about making them that they didn't nap.  John Paul was so tired that he didn't make the pretzels, nor did he want anything to do with the photo-taking.  Sophie made an odd shaped flatbread out of the dough.  Regardless of what each one looked like, they all tasted delicious.  We use this recipe in case you want to try some yourselves.

We also talked about why pretzels are significant during Lent, and I love this little explanation and prayer.  It made me think my fasting that I've done this year might not be as hard as I thought it was at times.  Can you imagine how they used to fast...no meat, dairy, or eggs.  Maybe it's time I amp my fasting up?!

When Jeremy came home to have some pretzels as dinner, the boys told him all about how pretzels look like arms folded in prayer, etc.  It was just a great activity.  

Carter // 5 - he's in a stage where his greatest concern is having the "biggest" piece of everything.  So, he was trying to make the biggest pretzel.

Peter // 4 - He made a few littler pretzels out of his piece and was very proud of them!

John Paul // 3 - "I said no pictures!!!!"

Sophie // 2 - She liked to just pat the dough.

Genevieve // 16 weeks - She was a silent observer.

The kids loved them!  I did too!

Lent is Hard

What it is about the start of Lent that seems so daunting?  It really isn't the giving up of the foods (although some days I really do think a big cookie would make things better).  It's not the fasting from breakfast or the lack of snacking in between meals or even the abstinence from meat on Fridays. Sure, that's a part of it, and I'm sure it messes with my brain more than I think it will, but for me, it's something else.  It's the utter awareness of my human frailty that hits me smack in the face once that black, smudgy cross is smeared on my forehead on Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of this journey with Christ to Easter.

I'm weak.  I'm full of sin.  My thoughts aren't always pure.  My desires aren't always for love.  I fail...daily.  I sometimes don't even like the person who I know I am.  Not in a harsh way...just in a way in which I wish I were better.  And, it hits me really hard during Lent...especially in the beginning.

I gave up a few things.  I took on a few more.  And, I'm trying to find a meaningful way to give alms.  And, do you know what this first week has looked like...failure.  I've woken up with a sense of anxiety beyond what I typically feel...like the weight of the world is on my chest...the weight of my sins.  I've opened my Bible, journaled my thoughts, tried to make this Lent about praying for others...and I cannot ease my mind.  With each thing I do, I discover another area in which I could do better.  I'm on edge...rather the very edge, and waking to a new day doesn't give respite like I thought it would.

Instead, I'm losing my temper, being quick to snap at my kids, not having the patience I need with my husband, and in turn, thinking way too much about me...not the intent of my Lent whatsoever.

But is it really even my Lent (or is is His)?  Yes, it's about drawing near Christ...about shedding the burdens that pull us down and about opening our arms to His unending mercy.  But, why is it so difficult?

I believe it is because it is supposed to be.

If a sacrifice were easy, it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice would it?  Will my looking inward and being so ashamed of some of my sins ever compare to the pain of Mary losing her only Son in an offering to the whole world?  Will my sins ever feel like the weight of the world's sins...in the form of a cross...in its excruciating death?  No.  Not even slightly.

But, if I don't know that pain, that in comparison pales to His, I won't know His mercy.  I won't know the sweetness of forgiveness.

Lent is a time for change.  And, change can bring pain.  But, the desire to change...to be better...to know that we simply cannot do it all alone is exactly what the Devil does not want.  He wants that pain (however small it may seem when compared to Christ's) to cause us to give up.  He wants us to choose what's easier.  He wants us to fail.  And the draw to do so is enticing.  He wants us to feel that we're doing something wrong if life isn't always easy...that if we're just "good enough" suffering won't come.  He wants to link the suffering that truly draws us closer to Christ to the idea that we are doing it all wrong or that it's just too difficult a burden to bear.  Because when we give into that thinking, he has us.  But, it's all a lie.

So, of course Lent is hard, but it helps in knowing why.  God wants us, but so does the devil.  In it all, I have to remember that there isn't anything given to me that I cannot bear with Him.  But that is the key...I have to have Him...not just myself.  In all of this, my anxiety and frustrations and daily sufferings are miniscule...compared to His of course...but even compared to those around me. Regardless, in my life, they are my struggles...and a struggle is a struggle regardless of size if it hinders our walk with Him.

Thankfully, His mercy endures...and as I walk, He is right beside me...whispering to offer it all up and to keep moving forward.  And you know what?  It's gotten easier.  Those first few days were just some doozies.  However, He's come in the form of reminders from those I'd least expect it from...my kids.

I was talking to the boys about loving people, and how sometimes it can be so, so difficult to love those who don't appear to love us in return.  It was then that Carter piped up, "Like loving the lady in Church who doesn't like to do the peace be with you with me and shaking her hand anyway."  He kissed her hand last time.  I had no clue he even sensed that she might not like to shake hands.  But, he rises above it.

Like Peter helping Sophie and John Paul get dressed without my asking even when it means keeping him from going to play as quickly as he would like.

Like Carter talking about an outlaw he had heard about back in the early days of our town, "I can't get him out of my head, and it bothers me.  So, I say, "Jesus, I offer these thoughts to you.  But, they aren't going away.  But, He will take care of it."

Like Peter "petting" (rubbing her head) Sophie when she is upset in order to try to calm her.

Like John Paul talking about Goliath in the forest, even though it was really Jesus in the desert we had just learned about (always providing comic relief).

They're teaching me...we must simply draw closer to Him through every aspect of our days, both good and especially bad.

May your Lent be filled with hard things...and through them, may you come to know His love and mercy unlike you've ever known it before!

In the meantime, I'll be praying to truly live this Litany of Humility:

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, 

Hear me. 

From the desire of being esteemed, 

Deliver me, O Jesus. 

From the desire of being loved, 

Deliver me, O Jesus. 

From the desire of being extolled, etc. 

From the desire of being honored, 

From the desire of being praised, 

From the desire of being preferred to others, 

From the desire of being consulted, 

From the desire of being approved, 

From the fear of being humiliated, 

From the fear of being despised, 

From the fear of suffering rebukes, 

From the fear of being calumniated, 

From the fear of being forgotten, 

From the fear of being ridiculed, 

From the fear of being wronged, 

From the fear of being suspected,

That others may be loved more than I, 

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. 

That others may be esteemed more than I, 

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. 

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase 

and I may decrease, etc. 

That others may be chosen and I set aside, 

That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, 

That others may be preferred to me in everything,

That others may become holier than I, 

provided that I may become as holy as I should.

What will Your Lent Look Like?

If you're anything like me, you think about Lent for quite awhile...conjuring up ideas that you could do, sacrifices you could make, etc for a few weeks leading up to it.  However, then Ash Wednesday sneaks up on me, I have about twelve things on my mental list, and each are very important, so I think, "What the heck, I'll just do them all."  Not long after, I fail at one, then another, and another, and pretty soon I end up with the remaining thirty days of no sweets and a sense of defeat.  Each year I think, I have to do better next year.

Well, here we are just about a week away, and I am trying to do better this year.  The problem is, I have so many things to work on...so much that I could sacrifice.  But, I'm resolving to only pick a few things and focus on those things in order to maybe have a bit more success this year.

I'm in the middle of another Whole30 and I've given thought to continuing that throughout Lent.  Or, I've thought about doing Live the Fast in some form.  The thing is, when I give up a food I love, it does feel like a sacrifice for me, and it's important to me to be making a sacrifice that I have to consciously think about, because as much as some may say that makes my focus about me and not about God, I have to disagree.  Because, when I reach for the bread or chocolate, I have to remind myself I cannot have it.  Why?  Because I sacrificed it for forty days to join in the sufferings of Christ who was nailed.to.a.cross.  Then my need for that piece of food doesn't quiet seem as important, and I offer a prayer instead.

Prayer...that is an area I always need to work on.  I've mentioned over and over that I do pretty well at praying throughout the day..."Jesus, have mercy," a Hail Mary here, a decade of a rosary there.  But, if you asked me about quiet, alone time reading my Bible or in front of the Blessed Sacrament, I would have next to nothing to say about when I last did that.  So, I've picked out a few devotionals to choose from.  One is from Blessed is She (the Catholic Women's ministry I write for), another is written by a few of my beautiful blogger friends called Waiting in the Word.  I also have the Magnificat's Lenten Companion and I'm sure I'll be looking into Lent Reflections from Father Barron.  See what I'm doing...getting in over my head again.  But, I'm promising to only pick one, and I'm giving myself this week to make that decision.  But, you might choose a different one.

Maybe I'll make the Angelus a habit, or my few rosaries a week a daily habit.  Maybe I'll start saying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy daily.  Or, I could commit to participating in the Stations of the Cross. I'm not quite sure.  What I do know is that when I do make the time to pray more intently, I only benefit from it.

And for almsgiving...I'm always stumped.  I've always wanted to have little bags of gift cards to a restaurant, snacks and a few toiletries in my car, ready at a moment's notice if I'm to see someone who needs help on the streets.  Maybe this will be the year to do just that!

For the kids, I hope to continue to do a few things to celebrate the liturgical season...like making pretzels and hot cross buns like we did last year.  I am going to pick a few things from Jen Frost's ebook called Family Activities for Lent and Easter.

What will you do?  Will you write a letter to someone daily?  Will you clean out all of your closets and give to those in need?  Will you commit to not gossiping in hopes of breaking a habit?  Will you fast from social media in order to be more present?  Will you simply try to live more peacefully whatever that might mean for you?

I have so many decisions to make, but one I've already made: this Lent will not be about me.

If I give up sweets and someone shows up on my doorstep with a plate of cookies as a sign of love, instead of explaining that I gave up sweets for Lent, I'll eat one.  If I commit to reading my Bible for fifteen minutes in the morning before I get out of bed and a sick child needs me, I'll skip the reading. If I have plans to spend a kid-free day in Adoration and a friend calls on me because she is having a rough day, I'll probably spend the day with her instead.  Because as important as these sacrifices are, the reason we make them is to grow closer to God...to in some tiny way unite the frustrations and sufferings of our day with the ultimate sacrifice.  So, when it comes to being tested, I will choose love, even if that means it isn't in the form I expected it to be.

And, in the meantime, I will pray that my eyes and heart are opened to seeing just what He is asking of me, during this Lent and every day of my life.  Because, He has called me for a purpose and I don't want my will to get in His way.

What will your Lent look like?