Our Story (Part II)...

Well, after the US Open, on his way home to Georgia, he called.  And, he sent the email with that picture.  I think I checked my email 99 times/day before that.

Jeremy, Cy, and Ben (another one of the boys).

We talked distance, our pasts and what a future might entail knowing that our union wouldn't be what I had imagined as my "love story" and that in order to ever be together forever (if it came to that), he would have to seek an annulment with the Catholic Church.  A lot to talk about very early on, but we decided to give it a go.  He visited me in College Station, and we spent Labor Day with his family.  He even talked of requesting Fort Hood (the closest Army post to me at the time) as his next station.  He was busy preparing for a Captain's course, and I was in the midst of my final year of undergrad.  I was on cloud nine and really loved this guy.

Suddenly (in my mind), it was over.  Three months in, he called to say that it wouldn't work.

I continued with school.  He, with the Army.  There wasn't much closure (and for me that's a problem).  I thought about him a lot.  Upon graduation the next August, I moved to Washington, DC to work at the White House and I learned from my aunt that Jeremy was sent to Iraq.  I went on dates in DC.  I went out with my co-workers, and I lived life.  Deep down, though, I always wondered, "what if."  Regardless of how hard I tried (I didn't try too hard), I never could quite forget Jeremy.

That spring I emailed his mom.  I just wanted to know how Jeremy was.  She was so sweet and filled me in...saying he was in Iraq but was okay.  My stint in DC didn't last long.  I took a job planning events for Texas A&M's Association of Former Students and moved back to College Station that summer.  Part of the Association's job was to inform others of students' deaths.  Being a school with a strong military component, a lot of those deaths at the time were war causalities.  One day an email came into our inboxes reporting the deaths of two Aggies who were previously stationed at Fort Campbell (Jeremy's US post).  I let my mind wander and emailed Jeremy's old email address.  I just wanted to know he was alive.

I heard back two months later (when he was on leave).  He thanked me for checking on him and said he would be home from Iraq in November.  So, of course, I emailed him then, thanking him for his service and happy for his safe return (anything I could think of to keep in touch).  I still wanted to be his friend.  We emailed maybe once a month, and he informed me that the following spring he would be getting out of the Army and applying for master's programs, hoping to get into University of Texas.  I was doing the same (applying for a master's program at A&M and Notre Dame).  When I knew there was a possibility he'd be in Austin, I started leaning toward A&M (although he gave me no reason to do so - it was all just me hoping).

That May I finally mustered up enough courage to ask him what really happened two and a half years before. Without going into detail, he had just needed some time.

At the end of the month I would be making a quick visit home and he would be at his parents for Memorial Day, so I asked if he wanted to grab coffee.  We did.  I got my hopes up.  After that, he didn't call.

Fast forward to July and I was visiting with my Aunt Beth.  At the end of our conversation Jeremy came up. Crying, I told her that I should move on but that I couldn't.  She told me there must be a reason for that and not to give up hope.  Then she informed me that Jeremy's grandfather had passed away the day before. Doing what I would do for any friend, I called him to say how sorry I was.  He was thankful and let me know that he would be at the University of Oklahoma (rather than UT), and I had already chosen A&M over Notre Dame's Alliance for Catholic Education program.  I felt good calling, and we talked for almost an hour, but I didn't expect anything to come of it.

As grad school started, I received an email from Jeremy joking about college football and being in the same conference.  I replied immediately.  A week or so later, I'd hear from him again and instantly reply (no discipline here).  Sometimes I would get a text.  Every great once in awhile, a call.  I was tired.  I wanted to date him again, but I had no idea where he stood.  With every conversation, I would get my hopes up, and as a week or so would go by, they would fall.  Finally, one Tuesday night in late October, I was in Adoration.  I was journaling, and I finally prayed something like this, "God, I love Jeremy.  But, I only want to love him if You want me to.  Please make this clear.  Either give me reason to try again or take him out of my life."  That night, at my apartment, right when I returned from Adoration (three + years after our initial relationship), I received this text:

"Hey, what do you think about us?"