Play Dough and Lent

This weekend it dropped 30 degrees in less than an hour.  We had a quick ice storm which kept us inside for the weekend.  Luckily, lurking in the back of the fridge (along with who knows what else) we found some homemade play dough.  And, the boys got right to it.  In fact, it kept them entertained off and on for hours.  

There's nothing that John Paul loves more right now than his big brothers (most of the time).  I'm not so sure that the feeling is mutual as he tries to steal/destroy anything they are playing with, but it's precious to see his adoration for the both of them.  

Being inside all weekend and watching the boys mold and form that play dough into different things gave me plenty of time to think about what to do for Lent which is fast approaching.  Every year I feel that I need to start thinking about it sooner than I did the year before, that I need to seriously just pick one thing and give it my all, that I'll find a way to feel less guilty when I mess up, or that I need to try harder to truly focus on what matters. The problem is, sometimes I don't know what really matters.  I mean, I know I need to make more time for God, but does that mean reading the Bible more?  Or, is it committing to a certain time of prayer or silence, or both?  Is it reading religious books or listening to religious commentary?  Any one of them would be beneficial, but what do I need most?

Then I think about my love/need for sweets - for just a taste after a meal that turns into a full-blown dessert and the unceasing craving for more throughout the day.  Giving that up, if not for everyone, is a sacrifice for me.  But, then there's that little thought in the back of my head saying, "and maybe Lent could be a wonderful way to jump start healthier eating/a bit of weight loss" - is Lent about that?  Not really.  Yet, giving up sweets is still hard for me.

Then, it's the additional things...how do we involve the little ones?  How do I take on doing more for others while making sure I do it peacefully, not just adding more to the plate and furthering the feeling of no peace at all.  

In the end, it typically goes like this: let's take on as much as I feel humanly possible because I know I SHOULD be doing all of these things anyway.  It will be a sacrifice, and not one in which I'm trying to outdo the neighbor, but one in which I know myself well enough to know I need much change in my life.  A week or so in, I feel like I've taken on too much to focus on much more than that very sacrifice...not Christ's, but mine - in the piece of chocolate lingering in the pantry or the workout DVD I've come to abhor and never mind the rosary I said while I was working out to get me through the next set (or three) - that counts, right?

It all just becomes a jumbled mess on my to-do list rather than a reflection on His passion, death and resurrection.  It makes life seem busier (even if it's just my perception) instead of simpler, as I feel Lent should be.  Rather than peace, I feel guilt.  Instead of taking in all that the season has to offer, I focus on what I'm offering it.

Will I probably still give up the sweets?  Will I more than likely commit to getting in more prayer time and even more exercise?  Will I try to find a way to involve my little guys?  Probably so.  However, this time my focus will be on His grace, His peace, and His mercy.  

Without it, I can do none of it - successfully, anyway.  Without truly letting Him mold my life (as the boys were so diligently molding their play dough), nothing I do makes much of a difference.  A turn toward Him, His desire for my vocation, and a Center for my days...that is where the sacrifices, additions and out-of-self thinking will lead me.  Or, it should.  If not, what is this season for?